People with mental health issues do not necessarily like or dislike the same things. I don’t know if the things I hate are also the same things others like me do not like.

Yes, I suffer from depression. I was diagnosed just a month after I was able to stand up again after being bedridden for nearly a year.

One psychiatrist said it was my being bedridden that caused my depression. Another one said it was my depression that tied me to bed. Me? Well, I don’t want to figure out the cause anymore. I just want to deal with the result!

However, it’s tough to deal with depression. I know for a fact that it’s even harder for people around me, (even for my cats who are part of my therapy).

I want people around me to know how to help me, but how can I when I can’t even entirely figure out how to help myself?

I guess (I’m not sure) other people suffering from depression feel the same as I do.

If you have a loved one with depression, I hope these questions, which I hate being asked, will help you deal with it.

How are you?

Don’t get me wrong. I really appreciate people worrying about my condition. I just don’t like being asked how I am because I really don’t know how to respond.

The only thing I know is that I feel sad and tired. So, when I’m asked how I am, my only response would be ‘sad’ or ‘tired.’

It would be good if everything ended with that response, but naturally, people who care about me want to know the details. They would like me to elaborate, and that is when the question becomes irritating.

I don’t know how to elaborate, and if I try to say more, tears will stop me from speaking (it literally hurts in the chest when I cry). As a result, I shut down.

I don’t like shutting down either, but sometimes it’s the best answer.

Why are you sad?

Perhaps this is the most challenging question to answer. I only have one answer to this: I don’t know.

Unfortunately, whenever I say “I don’t know,” people press for me to give a specific answer. It’s hard to make them understand that I really don’t know why I feel sad. I just feel sad, and that’s just it.

Whenever I am pressed to answer this question, I feel like I’m trapped in a classroom with the teacher scolding me for not reviewing the lesson.

It’s embarrassing.

It’s exhausting.

It makes me feel so small.

I don’t like the feeling at all.

It makes me even sadder.

Again, I understand why people ask these questions. I know that most of them want to help, so they feel the need to understand me so that they can help. I am thankful for that, but the questions are just tough.

You’re probably wondering what to do now.

In my case, I prefer declarative statements. Instead of asking, “How are you?” say, “I hope you’re fine” or “Please be okay.”

Any reassuring statement would help. It doesn’t change the situation, but it helps me feel hopeful.

Sometimes people like us are not really looking for solutions. I, for one, am sure that I can find ways to get by. Often, we only want comfort, solace, a hug, or even a pat—elementary things.

Also, instead of asking, ‘Why are you sad?’ I think it’s better not to ask at all. Just make the person happy.

In my case, the following simple things are already an utter joy.

• Hearing “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” or “Thank you.”
• Getting a hug or a kiss
• Receiving food and eating together
• A story of how a person’s day went
• Watching a movie or a series with me (especially Korean drama, hahaha)
• Listening to my crazy stories
• Or if you don’t enjoy what I like, let me enjoy things myself.

It’s not hard to help a person with depression. Well, at least if they have the same shallow interests as I do.

I hope you can also figure out what your loved one needs.

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