I was called many names: stupid, crazy, clueless, and weird were only a few.
The condescending line “Why are you friends with your ex-husband’s girlfriend?!” is what I always get.
But hear me out first. I’ve got reasons to be friends with my ex-husband’s new partner.
An easy bridge to a difficult ex
While my ex-husband and I are friends and have good laughs when we hang out (yes, we hang out as a family), we don’t see eye to eye when it comes to the more serious parenting stuff. We always end up arguing (that’s exactly why we separated). That’s where befriending his new partner becomes useful (for the lack of better term).
When I need something important, like my ex’s due for child support, I talk to his partner, and she talks to him. She reminds him of things to be done, and that way, I don’t get stressed waiting for his share of responsibility (he tends to be forgetful).
Secure my kids
I grew up reading a lot about evil stepmoms from fairy tale books. When my husband and I separated, I was afraid my kids would have to deal with an evil stepmom. I then thought, “if I become friends with my ex’s new girlfriend, then perhaps she would be nice to my kids because I treat her well.” Indeed, my ex’s girlfriend loves my kids, and my kids like her. There are loving stepmoms, after all.
When I became extremely ill a few years ago, and everyone thought I was dying, I was not terrified. I was at peace because I knew someone would take care of my kids as a real mom would. Of course, I didn’t die, but the idea was and is still comforting.
More for my kids
I’m not materialistic, but I acknowledge the fact that kids love gifts. With my ex-husband’s new partner, my kids get one more gift for their birthdays or Christmas. At least that was my silly excuse back when I started to befriend my ex’s new partner.
Now, it’s more about additional support for my kids.
When my daughter was confined at a hospital for over a month, I had my ex-husband’s partner as one more person to help me get through things. Because my ex’s new partner loves my kids like her own, she helped out in every way possible.
A friend of mine even said, “wow, my ex’s new girlfriend would kill him if he even tries to reach out to us.” In my case, it was my ex’s partner who would even remind my ex about things to do.
Peace on earth
Life is already too tough to deal with added conflicts that could be ironed out if we only open our minds. Why make war when I can make peace?
What do I get from hating her?
Yes, some would say I don’t have to hate her, but I shouldn’t befriend her.
I don’t get it. There are so many ups with being friends with her. So why shouldn’t we be friends?
At least I have someone to joke about my ex-husband’s crazy antics with over coffee. (Yes, we go out for coffee often.)
Everything boils down to living in peace. I want a peaceful mind so that my kids don’t get the negative vibes.
As silly as it may sound, there’s every reason to befriend my ex-husband’s new partner. Besides, she’s not an evil witch.
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Of course, it’s going to be a different story if the woman were evil!
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