Once again, after years of being okay, I jumped into a rabbit hole—the eternal feeling of loneliness, worthlessness, uncertainty, and fear. I fell back into depression for months, struggling against all those behavioral changes that signal depression. With that, I left countless things undone. Paperwork, commitments, and even relationships were all placed on the back burner as I sulked in the darkness of my mind.

When I finally decided that I needed to get out of my rabbit hole, fear consumed me. How am I going to face all the people I turned my back on when I went down? What pieces should I pick up when I don’t even know what I broke? Where will I pick up when I can’t even remember where I left off?

I didn’t know how to get back on track. I was lost more than ever.

Then I saw my kids standing over my hole, peeking inside. Their eyes were begging me to get out. That’s when I said to myself, It’s time to get out of this hole!

It’s not easy getting back on track after a very long break, especially when there are still remnants of sadness and a feeling of worthlessness sprinkled on top of regret for having wasted time again.

Here are the things I do to get back on track: I hope it helps you as well.

1. Finding motivation

Not having a reason to wake up, do things, or, worse, live makes us neglect even the most important things. That’s when we start just lying on our beds and staring blankly at the ceiling all day, all week, and, in my case, for months.

The reasons why we do things are what motivate us to act, and proactively finding those reasons would be vital to getting back on track.

Reasons or motivations could vary among people. It could be a future career, a dream vacation, or, in my case, sustainability and being able to provide for my kids.

Being reminded that my kids would not be able to study or buy the things they need and want if I stayed inactive was what propelled me to force myself to start moving again. It’s not easy to fight my dark emotions, but the idea of my kids suffering further is even more unbearable.

Finding a reason to act is vital to getting back on track.

2. Finding things to do and doing them

When depression strikes, nothing seems interesting—nothing at all. Even the things we used to enjoy doing would seem nonsensical. But we can’t just accept the situation as such; otherwise, we won’t ever get up.

Once I realized that I had to get better, the war between my body and brain started. I was lethargic, and moving is literally painful, but my brain slowly became adamant about having to do something. So, I literally had to drag myself out of bed just to do something—whatever.

I started reading, writing, or even just organizing things in my room. I couldn’t even get past a page in a book at first, nor could I write a complete paragraph, but slowly, as I forced myself to do these things, I was able to do more.

I started reaching out to a friend (I only have one with whom I at least feel comfortable talking). No matter how much I hated being asked about what happened or why things were happening, I forced myself to listen and speak.

It’s not easy to start doing something when the feeling of worthlessness is overwhelming, but with baby steps, we can do things that must be done.

3. Scheduling

I was indeed slowly able to compel myself to do things, but I became very forgetful. So, finally, after so many years of working online, I started using my Google Calendar.

I put every little thing that I need to remember and do on my calendar. I also share the schedules with whomever I should do those things with. I don’t mind if they don’t accept it in their Google accounts; what matters is that I have the details in mine.

Of course, you can use any tool you need for scheduling. My daughter uses a traditional planner notebook (she likes jotting down her ‘to-do’ list). My friend only uses her phone for alerts. Anything that sends out reminders to do certain things on schedule would be good.

4. Following a schedule

While a calendar is indeed helpful in scheduling things to do, it’s an entirely different story when it comes to whether you actually do what needs to be done. The first time I used my calendar, I would just press ‘snooze’ or ‘dismiss.’

I realized later that staying on track doesn’t end with just scheduling. I must proactively follow the schedule. So, again, I had to force myself to follow the schedule I set. It’s not easy—definitely not! So I sought help from my kids, whom I told to call my attention once my alarm went off. I asked them not to stop bothering me until I did what was supposed to be done.

It was like this for the first month or so when I started working again.

5. Doing one thing at a time

When I started out scheduling, I tended to have so many things to do in a day that it became so overwhelming that I almost slid back into my hole. I realized I had to do one thing at a time if I wanted to stay on track. This is important because one of the biggest enemies of depression is failure to accomplish things. Not being able to do something that must be done leads to a debilitating feeling of failure.

6. Seek help

If there’s one sad thing I realized when I decided to go back on track, it’s that there are things I cannot do alone. I’m used to figuring things out on my own, but this time around, I realized I needed help.

It was not easy asking for help, especially when people around me know that I am resourceful and seldom need help. But I mustered up the courage to call out for help.

When I say seek help, I’m not talking about friends or family only. Sometimes (often, in fact), we need professional help. When I recognized this fact, I met with some doctors, until my hematologist (for my AIHA) recommended Dr. Jercyl Leilani Demeterio. The first time I met Doc Dems, I felt really comfortable. This is important. In any treatment we seek, be it for mental health or even the flu, I believe being comfortable with our physician is crucial to our healing process. Doc Dems was another strong force (along with my kids) that pushed me to where I am now—on the road to managing my depression. She’s also my kids’ psychiatrist.

All this seeking help helped me ease back into work, my daily activities, and even my relationships.

7. Congratulate and reward yourself

Getting back on track is not easy, so you deserve to be congratulated. Personally, I find that being told that I did well somehow eliminates the feeling of worthlessness. But more than anything, giving myself a reward for the simple things that I accomplished makes me feel calm and happy.

I buy tasty food, rest, watch a fun K-drama, or play with my kids. That’s how I reward myself. Other people might have other means to do it. Whatever reward you give yourself, so long as it makes you happy, then I guess it’s okay.

I am not yet wholly where I should be, but I am getting there.

If at any time in the future, I fall back into depression, I already instructed my family to give me time, but not too much. I asked them to be even more patient because I would need them to slowly talk me into getting back on my feet.

I warned them that I would be closed-minded at first (for a while, or yes, it could be longer), but with their patience, I will (I know) eventually get up and get back on track just like I always do.

What about you? What do you do to get back on track after an extended episode of depression or even just after a long break?

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